a different kind of bravePosted: January 25, 2013
i wish i could articulate the way things are going in my mind right now. do you mind if i ramble a little? i’ve spent the last year and a half growing so much personally and spiritually. it feels like i’ve been on a mountaintop and now i’m coming down. it wasn’t necessarily the adoption itself, but i think it was a launching point that put me in the midst of third world poverty and taught me so much about being a servant in a very real way. people i’ve met on the journey, organizations and projects i’ve learned about, and mostly the way that one person can change a life so easily… it was eye opening and exciting and really gave me a purpose. but to be honest, since jude’s come home i haven’t really had much time to keep up with all the adoption blogs and the projects and cool organizations and mission trips, all that’s going under my radar. that’s because i’m actually parenting the child i set out to adopt, the one that started the journey. i’ve even started thinking ‘what about the next one’? i just started sleeping through the night two weeks ago! it is NOT time for the next one! but i think it’s that thing that happens after a wedding. you spend so much time getting ready for the wedding, planning every detail, and then… you are married. you know, with the stinky bathrooms and the ‘what’s for dinner?’ and the ‘we’re out of milk’. actually married. and it’s awesome and everything, but different from planning the wedding. very daily. know what i mean?
so i had a little bout of the blues. just a tiny one, because God is molding and sifting me lately, constantly. you guys know i’m doing my thankful list. well, i’m actually loving that. it’s definitely changed my perspective, given me some passion for my daily life and really revitalized the daily for me. and i think i’m starting to understand something. changing the world is noble however you do it. motherhood is so undervalued, even by me, but i’m starting to see the world changing possibilities in laundry and snacks and nasty highchairs. follow me for a second. every need met and every moment loved brings those little closer to me, which puts me in a unique position to shape them gently when the time comes. and it’s fast approaching! i’m actually starting to see the beauty and fulfillment in my current life, not my someday life. and i’m learning that i don’t have to save the world single handedly today. i can invest in my children today and do what i gotta do here, and cheerfully if i can, and i’m getting there on that.
today we were talking about bravery and courage in my bible study. i’ve searched my mind and heart all week trying to see what radical thing that God would require bravery for. should i start a school? move to africa? adopt again? but i’m coming up empty. you know what God spoke into my heart? that i needed to succumb to a quieter kind of bravery. to lay it all on the line, my whole life. and it looks different than i thought. so far i’m only seeing laundry and snacks and nasty highchairs, but that’s what i’ve been called to do. to bravely mop the same floor. but there’s some stuff shifting. i’ll keep you posted. i can feel a breakthrough coming.